a key to something #2

In my last post I ended by saying I knew where to go to find the source of a love that abounds. That love is, of course, the “agape” love that is talked about often in church meetings. I know now that I was a little glib in ending my post that way. Perhaps this is akin to the glibness with which we discuss agape love. I frankly think very few have any idea what it really is like to love that way.

Let’s start with our love for Jesus. When I ended the last post I had Peter on my mind and Christ’s dialogue with him after his death and resurrection.
We know the account. “Do you (agape) love me?”, Jesus asked Peter three times. And each time Peter answered: "You know I (fileo) love you." He knew exactly what Jesus was asking, yet could not bring himself to give the answer we all think we would give.

I have wondered how to interpret this. If anyone could have answered “yes” to Jesus’ question I would have thought it was Peter. He had been with Him three years and seen all the miracles, and had all the teaching. He had apparently pulled and used a sword at Jesus’ arrest. He had promised never to abandon Him, and then had done just that. Then Jesus had died and appeared to him, and shown him yet another miracle. In the past he was the one who was bold in declaring his faithfulness and readiness to stand for Jesus.

I think that Peter wanted more than anything to claim agape love for Jesus, but he could or would not, because he was aware of his heart and how shallow his conviction could be when tested. I think if we had witnessed the scene we would have seen the tears in Peter’s eyes at being asked the question he could not answer. John records that Peter was “grieved” on being asked the third time. The biblical record can sometimes seem so dry. I think by the third time Peter was sobbing and sobbing. And gracious Jesus just said, “Shepherd my sheep. I know you want to be brave and courageous, to love me more than anything else, the way you know I desire. I’ll start with that, and the Holy Spirit (“someone else”) will take you to that place of agape love." I'll bet He had his arm around him.

So Jesus has been asking me, “Do you love me?” And truthfully I can’t give Him the answer I know He wants, because I know my shallow, unloving heart holds on desperately to the pleasures I love in this world. Yet Jesus, the lover of my soul, takes that as the starting point, yearning for that day when I will completely abandon myself to Him, through the work of the Holy Spirit in me.

In his book “Blue Like Jazz”, Don Martin wrote of a contemporary love relationship with Jesus, that is such a challenge to me. He said:

“A guy I know named Alan went around the country asking ministry leaders questions. He went to successful churches and asked the pastors what they were doing, why what they were doing was working. It sounded very boring except for one visit he made to a man named Bill Bright, the president of a big ministry. Alan said he was a big man, full of life, who listened without shifting his eyes. Alan asked a few questions. I don’t know what they were, but as a final question he asked Dr. Bright what Jesus meant to him. Alan said Dr. Bright could not answer the question. He said Dr. Bright just started to cry. He sat there in his big chair behind his desk and wept.

When Alan told that story I wondered what it was like to love Jesus that way. I wondered quite honestly, if that Bill Bright guy was just nuts or if he really knew Jesus in a personal way, so well that he would cry at the very mention of His name. I knew then that I would like to know Jesus like that, with my heart, not just my head. I felt that would be the key to something.”

"Break my heart o' God", needs to be our cry. Do you agree? I'd love to hear from you.

a key to something

“Love, love me do.

You know I love you,

I'll always be true,

So, please, love me do."

I have been thinking lately about my love life. These thoughts began in part from some things I've read and also because of the frequency of beggars on Bratislava streets. Alcoholism and unemployment are a problem here, and so often these are youngish ( 30 - 40 year old) men. But as well there are elderly people, or people with handicaps. This is not an affluent country and so there is no adequate social safety net here. I began noticing how I would draw back from the simple gesture of an outstretched hand, and my reaction bothered me.

Then the other day I was walking in a mall, about to pass a young boy, about 7 or 8 years old. He was by himself. As I passed, he lifted his arms up, with palms outstretched, in a sort of awkward manner. I immediately thought “beggar”, and again drew away in my mind. I walked by, and as I did so he whispered “dobre den” (good day), then stretched his arms above his head and ran off. I understood then that he was a little handicapped, and that he wasn’t begging at all, except perhaps to ask for a smile and a greeting in response.

"How have I gotten like this?", I wondered.

After thinking about it I concluded that it may be that I do not love as I should, that the love I am willing to extend has been shaped, perhaps without my knowing it, by the changing concept of "love" in our culture. As a mid teen, "love" was a naive sense of attraction. The Beatles sang of a heart that went "boom", simply by holding a girl's hand. This changed drastically with the dawning of the Age of Aquarius (remember "Hair"?). "Love" morphed into sexual adventure and experimentation with all things sensual. Fast forward to the post modern-world, where "love" has become little more than a kind of consumerism, a completely self-centred thing. Beyonce (pop music's latest female star), in the song "Irreplaceable", tells her lover to leave - but not with their possessions.He's replaceable you see. Her new man "will be here in a minute". Meanwhile, Bono (who certainly knows the heart of this generation), realizing that there is no inner quality in people to which he can appeal on behalf of starving Africa, offers mega-concerts and the Red campaign, which call for no sacrifice or self-involvement, but rather expects that people will continue to consume in ever increasing amounts. The plan is to direct some small part of the purchase price to those that are dying.

I don't want to love like this world. I want to love without expecting a return, unconcerned with self, with a love spoken of by Paul that "abounds", leaps out. Its focus is outward, away from the lover. It prepares a feast and then lovingly compels the lonely and rejected to come and enjoy. And while I don't think it will be easy for this love to be formed in me, I think I know where to look to find it.

learning to dance

I was standing waiting for my bus, and observing the street in a kind of day dreaming way. I'm not clear when I first saw him, but at some point I spied a boy coming down the sidewalk on the other side of the street, about 12 years old, and a little awkward; that is, not a natural athletic type. His coat had slipped off his shoulders and hung from his elbows, and at some point he started to run, a gangly, slow, joyful run, all else forgotten, on a beautiful spring-like day, and after about 4 or 5 clumsy strides he jumped - in the air - as though he was clicking his heels together in his mind, and then continued his run for a few more yards.

It was all so natural and beautiful, his love at that instant, of being alive, and I resolved to try and remember to jump at least once, maybe more times, each day of my life.

Chris Rice wrote a lovely song called "Come to Jesus", which sings about the seasons of life. I'll never forget when my friend sang it once at the church I attended, and I am lifted up every time I sing it to myself. One verse goes like this:

"Oh, and when the love spills over, and music fills the night

And when you can't contain your joy inside

Dance for Jesus, dance for Jesus

Dance for Jesus and live."

The abundant life I have makes me want to dance. The lame man didn't walk away after he was healed. As I recall he went laughing and leaping. I want to jump, I want to dance. How about you? Shall we dance?

what's it look like?

In my last post I discussed my desire to be a person who tenaciously pursued a calling. Then, in a comment a friend asked what I thought the life that I described looked like. This question has caused me a lot of difficulty. At first I thought I might offer all my wise thoughts about the subject. Then I realized how ridiculous that idea was, because the truth is that I don’t really know from any personal experience. I’m a long way from living the life of adventure I described. There are however some wonderful, contemporary examples of such a life.

Roland and Heidi Baker come to mind. You can read about their single minded desire to follow God in the book, “Always Enough”, and follow their ministry (Iris Ministries) at http://www.irismin.org/ Their website will also introduce you to some amazing people who have joined them and are doing wonderful work with orphans, education and church planting..

“Chasing the Dragon” is a book which tells about the amazing ministry of Jackie Pullinger, in the darkest, filthiest slums of Hong Kong. Her life and work there, powered by the Holy Spirit is simply incredible.

I still remember Gary Skinner, who spoke at Missions Fest in 2004. He told of his life growing up and ministering in Liberia, where on one occasion he confronted the murdering, corrupt warlord President Charles Taylor, telling him he must repent, or God would remove him. Months later, Taylor was gone and today he is on trial at the Hague for crimes committed against the people he ruled. Meanwhile, Skinner and his work carry on. He leads the Kampala Pentecostal Church in Uganda, whose Watoto orphanages and children’s choir are known worldwide.

As for me, I think I’ve learned two things in the last couple of years, which might be helpful to those wanting to pursue the sold-out life.

The first thing I believe, is that you must decide that you are going to give up something; perhaps your job, your security, your comfort, your family, your position. I still struggle with this and so God patiently chips away at me. These things compete ferociously for your time and attention, but you must make yourself available to be used. This freedom, I think, is at odds with secular and church culture which expects you simply to conform. I hope I am not being unfair, but look around. How many do you know who are living the life you want? Why is that? I believe it is because there are few people who are willing to abandon the comfortable and secure life they have. Nor are they seriously challenged to do so.

There’s another step I think is necessary. Let me tell you in a story.

About 6 months ago I was sitting talking with some friends who are pursuing a life of adventure with God. We had talked about their ministry and how they were dealing with a recent disappointment. Around that time I began to moan about my life and how I wasn’t living the big life I claimed I wanted to live. A mission/teaching experience in Kenya had been great, but ended disappointingly. Our trip to Slovakia in 2006 had been fun, but it didn’t seem to offer a future that excited us. I wasn’t happy at home in CR. No one understood. Poor me! At that time, (I think out of exasperation), one of the friends asked me, what might have been the best question possible. In retrospect I think it’s the question we must address to begin a life worth living. Churches don’t ask their people this question. Most people you know won’t ask you this question.

“Howard”, she said. “Excuse me if this is too blunt. But just what is it exactly that you want to do?”

Well, that was pretty blunt. But in retrospect I think the question must be asked, and what’s more, it must be answered. In fact it WILL BE ANSWERED, either by a life that breaks out of the ordinary, or by a life that never moves beyond where it is right now. You see, it’s easy to claim we want to live a God given adventure, but its very hard to move beyond that claim. Your answer to this question will give you a vision of a future. That vision will either be a life of adventure, or a life continuing just as it is now.

And so I answered her.

... or it's nothing at all

I have been having these epiphanies lately; grand ideas that seem to make some sense out of the world. Today I walked around with a smile on my face, a rare occurrence for me. When I stepped in a spot of that brown mushy stuff that people leave behind after walking their dogs on Bratislava streets, I just laughed to myself. This (the smiling and laughing) is a rare occurrence for me. I know my ideas are not new, but I have rarely heard them preached or seen them in the vision statements of “The Church of Perpetual Dryness”, or “The Church With All the Rules”, and so I just had to write about them. I hope they are a challenge to you.

The latest idea came from a most unlikely source for me – The Bible. I was reading in Acts c. 6 and 7 about Stephen. We all know the story. We’ve read or spoken about it in church or at some study: “Wasn’t that Stephen an awesome guy? Too bad his story was so short. That's how God spread the message from Jerusalem. We'll keep his character in mind when we next choose deacons… Now, where are we going for breakfast.” To me this acount has never been more than a little slice of early church history. It told me nothing about how I should live. Until yesterday.

To follow my thinking, you must first, wrap your mind around Acts 6:5. Stephen was a man full of faith and full of the Holy Spirit. Forget everything else about him. Only 2 things were important enough to record. Stephen was the kind of person we all want to be. He “lived out loud!”, as Steven Curtis Chapman said. He is a model for us. Being full of faith and the Holy Spirit should produce his kind of living.. Forget all the sermons you’ve heard about faithfulness, joy, kind-heartedness, politeness, diligence, mom and apple pie. Living out loud is the standard!

But it’s easier said than done, you reply. And you’re right. This however, is where the epiphany comes in. There is something you have to grasp deep down in your soul to live like Stephen. It’s something that people like Stephen understand and accept. They know the truth about how lives are lived, and this truth is found, between the lines, in Acts 5,6 and 7.

Take a few moments now and read from Acts 5:11 to Acts 7:1. After this Stephen makes his speech. You don't need to read the speech now. Rather, read Acts 7:54 to 58.

Do you see it? Does this grab your attention? Christianity seemed unstoppable. The church was doing everything right. Miracles were occurring. And then things come to a sudden change of direction. One of its most powerful and godly men is murdered by the religious mob. What the heck changed between the time when Peter was arrested, then released by an angel, and the stoning of Stephen? Wasn’t God doing big things publicly? Weren’t people queueing to join the church, or staying well away because of awe and fear? Even priests were enlisting. Why wasn’t Stephen released by angels? Weren’t the thousands of disciples praying hard enough? Just where were all the miracle-working apostles at Stephen’s time of need? Where was the needed miracle?

What does this say to you? Here’s what it spoke to me. Life is not meant to be predictable! I need to say it again, so you don't miss the emphasis. Life is not meant to be predictable. In real-time living, one moment you’re on top of the world, and the next moment you’re hurt or dead. There is no getting around this. It’s how you live in the knowledge of this that is important. Helen Keller said it best, and what she said has been in my brain for the last day or two. “Life”, she said, is either a grand adventure, or it’s nothing at all.” A grand adventure or nothing at all! Stephen knew that, and he lived accordingly. If you are full of faith and the Holy Spirit and live in the knowledge that life is unpredictable, you live out loud, and all the rest falls into place. No rules are needed, other than loving God and others. Constant exhortation and remorse is unnecessary. Trivial hurts and slights are irrelevant. Constant fellowship with God, (prayer), becomes most important. And for me, all the rest of what I read in the Bible about abundant life in spite of troubles, or about living in plenty or in need, starts to make sense. This is real life, and if it’s not our life, then I think it’s because we’re not following the model and we have missed this truth.


Annie Dillard, a Christian writer and naturalist, wrote a wonderful essay called “Living Like Weasels”. She had locked eyes with a weasel on a field trip and couldn’t forget the wild life she saw in its eyes. In her essay she reports how Ernest Thompson Seton had once shot an eagle from the sky, and found the dry skull of a weasel still fixed by its jaws to the eagle’s neck. Weasels go for the throat of their prey, and once locked on, they don’t let go, no matter where this might take them. The weasel, attached to the eagle, had had quite an aerial adventure. Dillard says, “I would like to learn, or remember how to live… as I should, as the weasel lives… open to time and death… We could you know. (We could) grasp our one (calling) and not let it go…Then even death, where you’re going no matter how you live, cannot you part. Seize (your calling) and let it seize you up aloft …

I am resolving to live that way. No more pew sitting or wishful thinking. I will live life the way it is meant to be lived, as an adventure.

What about you?

Weekends

When we decided to come to Bratislava this year, we initially had skiing on our minds. As you know however, there is not a lot of snow so far in Europe. But, there's lots to do on weekends nevertheless.

Last Saturday, we visited the National Gallery in Bratislava. It's cheap - about $4.00 Cdn. Presently they are exhibiting Dutch masters, which included some amazing etchings by Rembrandt. These are about 4" x 5" in size, but the detail is incredible and the people in the scenes come alive. One etching was of the raising of Lazarus, and as we know, Lazarus actually did come alive!

.When we last lived in Bratislava, we often travelled to Vienna for a weekend day trip. We love the galleries, the architecture, the efficiency of the place and most of all, we love the Naschemarket. It's a length of outdoor market stalls, about 5 blocks long, selling seafood, fresh meat and veggies of all descriptions, amazing breads and pastries, wine, cheese, olives, truffles and other delicacies, flowers, vinegars, herbs and spices. It's awesome, but it can get expensive so we decided to watch our budget, when we travelled there this past weekend.
This time we bought a beautiful small rack of lamb (meat other than pork and chicken is not abundant in Slovakia). Usually we add white or green asparagus, but we are on a budget this time you remember, so we decided to pick up veggies and potatoes in Slovakia. We did buy plump pickled caperberries, a slice of Gouda cheese (aged 5 years and it melts like candy in your mouth), and large, fresh, pickled garlic cloves to eat as a starter.And to all of this we'll add a glass of Slovak Cabernet Sauvignon (about $5.00 Cdn. a bottle). It's a meal fit for the Archduke (or for 2 Canadians that like nice food). To our friends and relatives in C.R. who like nice food, we say, "eat your heart out"! We're going to!