I've been thinking...

It’s been sometime since I’ve written. At the last post we were in Africa, but now we have traveled to Bratislava, Slovakia. Culturally, it’s been easier fitting in than the first time we were here, but I’ve been struggling with stuff. I often do. Like, why I am here? Am I just kidding myself with my big ambitions? Are they just a show somehow to make me seem noble or courageous? Why can’t I live better than I do? And when I’m feeling down, I wonder where the turmoil comes from. Why do I dwell on these things, when most others I know, who apparently have similar beliefs, don’t seem to care?

For quite some time I’ve been what is called an evangelical Christian, or born again. For me, my Christian beliefs answer those questions of life for which there is no other answer. It has given purpose to my life. It’s challenged and equipped me to be live better than I could otherwise have lived. But there is something wrong with me. I want more. I expect more. And so I’ve been searching.

A couple of weeks ago, I was reading in Mark’s gospel. A scribe asked Jesus about the greatest commandment. For some reason Jesus replied with both the first and the second, i.e. loving God with all you are and loving people as yourself. The scribe replied that Jesus was correct, and then Jesus made an interesting comment. Because the scribe had answered intelligently, Jesus said he was “near to the Kingdom of God”. Why was this scribe merely “near” to the Kingdom? Was it an absence of faith that Jesus was the Christ? There is no way to answer that question. There’s not enough detail in the story. But then, just what is the point of this story?

Perhaps it’s obvious. This story tells me something about love, and its importance to the Kingdom living. Love for God and love for others are at the core of the Kingdom. With his limited understanding the scribe was almost living in the new kingdom. Why “almost”? Is it possible that the scribe had an intelligent understanding of the things of God alone? Did he know that he was to love, but not do it?

And what’s more, just what is the Kingdom of God that is spoken of? I know I’m not living in it. When I look around at the state of the church today, I’m afraid I don’t see it. Why is that? I think this might be important, because it just might be at the root of my discontent.

I recently read Brian McLaren’s book called The Secret Message of Jesus. It challenged my thinking. I need to read it again to be sure I understand it (I’ve given it to friends to read), but McLaren discusses Jesus’ frequent use of the words “the kingdom of God”. At one point Jesus says the kingdom was among the Jews of the time. Jesus was the kingdom, he said. A kingdom is a place ruled by a king. The idea I think is that we have been invited to step into the kingdom of heaven and act in a new way, yielding to a new authority. We’re invited to live in a new reality. This reality is a place where God’s power might be found. People would be attracted to this place.

I wonder if my struggles with my "faith life" are the result of not living the "love life" in this new reality. Because some things seem clear in the story of the scribe. First, love for God and love for others are at the core of this Kingdom. They re not only at the core, but they are inseparable. That I think is why Jesus answered the way he did. He was only asked for the most important commandment. He gave two. The second is like the first, he said.

And I’m sure that I’m not the only one who is missing out on this new reality. In fact I think it’s the problem with this thing today that we call “church”. It is a gathering of people who claim to “believe”, but who have almost no love whatsoever. Certainly not the kind Jesus was talking about. Most of those that claim to believe, sit in church seemingly unable to reach out even to the limited extent of getting up and saying a heartfelt “hello, how are you?” to a stranger who visits, and then listening with genuine concern to the reply. In general, the church today is about formula, head knowledge or mental assent, and programming. There is occasional excitement, if the “worship team” is sufficiently skilled. Some participate in the programming that takes place. But this is not the thing that Jesus was talking about. This is not life in the new reality, the kingdom of God. And so I, and the majority of those who attend church today are no closer to kingdom living than the scribe who questioned Jesus.

And so I’m searching? Am I the only one? Does this make any sense?

Sounds of Africa

We wake up each morning in Africa to new sounds. At 5:45 a.m. my granddaughter Jordan's internal alarm rings and she wakes up and lies in bed. From her room come her morning sounds; she coos, gurgles, and lets out the occasional squawk or shriek. There is the odd slobbering sound as she talks with her mouth full of fingers. If we peek at her we see her eyes darting around the room taking in the wonders of her new day, and her arms flail and her legs kick as she tries out those marvelous new limbs of hers. From outside the window the birds join her morning song. The Doves moan, others twitter and chirp, and occasionally an Ibis adds a loud cry.

Nichole Nordeman sings a song called "You are Good". It starts like this:

"When the sun starts to rise, and I open my eyes, You are good, You are good."

I feel the same on mornings like these. You are good!

However, there are also those times when she screams her head off. Then I want to sing a different song... even though I shouldn't.

(I'll try not to. You are still good!)

who is my neighbour?

Two weeks ago, on the night of December 31st we flew to Johannesburg from Vancouver, stopping briefly in London. It's a long trip, some 30 hours in total. We have given up trying for bulkhead seats and seats near the exits, but I do ask for aisle seats to be able to stretch my legs in the aisle. Also, if I am crammed shoulder to shoulder in a row, I watch for an empty aisle seat with an empty next to it and in this way I also gain a little extra room. On the flight to London there was this combination of empty seats and I grabbed the empty aisle seat with en empty seat to its left. However soon after take-off I got up to get a glass of water, and when I returned, another passenger had taken the seat next to my aisle seat, between myself and the passenger to my left. He explained how he wanted to give his wife in a nearby row some extra room, by leaving his seat empty next to her. Duh! Good for her, but not so good for me and the passenger to his left. We were now crowded again.

I was annoyed with this, and decided I was not going to give up the armrest between us. After all he was the latecomer, and the cause of our crowded seating. Why should I now be less comfortable? Unfortunately, I left my seat again, to return and find that he had now taken over the armrest completely. I tried to gain a little of it, but after "armwrestling" for a few minutes, and given his obvious determination to have it all, I gave up. But I was not at all happy with the turn of events, and told him so. Fortunately, a short time later he left to rejoin his wife.

"Who is my neighbour?", asked the lawyer of Jesus. You know, it really was a pretty good question.

Getting started

Well this is a little intimidating! Putting your thoughts out there for others to see and respond to.
Nevertheless, here goes.

For some time I've been thinking about perspectives. Hence the title of the blog, "sobigsolittle". It covers alot of the ideas I think I will touch on in my posts.

First off, is the idea that God is so big, and yet we humans generally think that we are so important. I retired about 2 years ago, thinking I would do some big godly work. Since then I'm learning how difficult that is. I realized that I'm pretty insignificant in the big scheme of things. I've come to realize that I don't know very much about most things. In fact people that believe they have all the answers worry me; scare me might be more like it. Much of this blog will be taken up with my search to know better who God is and how I'm to relate to him. If I'm right, it's that relationship and what results from it, that makes for an exciting, worthwhile life.

Next, when I stopped practicing law, I trained to teach English. It seemed like an opportunity to make a difference, not to mention do some travelling. And so I'm in the process of discovering this big world, and finding that the perspectives I have as a North American are too narrow. If all you know is CNN, etc. your understanding of the world will be very narrow. I hope to have some photos, some social comment and travel thoughts that show a bigger picture.

If you've read this far, I'm pleased. If the ideas I've set out interest you, that's even better. Make some comments, and in some sense we can make this journey together.