a key to something

“Love, love me do.

You know I love you,

I'll always be true,

So, please, love me do."

I have been thinking lately about my love life. These thoughts began in part from some things I've read and also because of the frequency of beggars on Bratislava streets. Alcoholism and unemployment are a problem here, and so often these are youngish ( 30 - 40 year old) men. But as well there are elderly people, or people with handicaps. This is not an affluent country and so there is no adequate social safety net here. I began noticing how I would draw back from the simple gesture of an outstretched hand, and my reaction bothered me.

Then the other day I was walking in a mall, about to pass a young boy, about 7 or 8 years old. He was by himself. As I passed, he lifted his arms up, with palms outstretched, in a sort of awkward manner. I immediately thought “beggar”, and again drew away in my mind. I walked by, and as I did so he whispered “dobre den” (good day), then stretched his arms above his head and ran off. I understood then that he was a little handicapped, and that he wasn’t begging at all, except perhaps to ask for a smile and a greeting in response.

"How have I gotten like this?", I wondered.

After thinking about it I concluded that it may be that I do not love as I should, that the love I am willing to extend has been shaped, perhaps without my knowing it, by the changing concept of "love" in our culture. As a mid teen, "love" was a naive sense of attraction. The Beatles sang of a heart that went "boom", simply by holding a girl's hand. This changed drastically with the dawning of the Age of Aquarius (remember "Hair"?). "Love" morphed into sexual adventure and experimentation with all things sensual. Fast forward to the post modern-world, where "love" has become little more than a kind of consumerism, a completely self-centred thing. Beyonce (pop music's latest female star), in the song "Irreplaceable", tells her lover to leave - but not with their possessions.He's replaceable you see. Her new man "will be here in a minute". Meanwhile, Bono (who certainly knows the heart of this generation), realizing that there is no inner quality in people to which he can appeal on behalf of starving Africa, offers mega-concerts and the Red campaign, which call for no sacrifice or self-involvement, but rather expects that people will continue to consume in ever increasing amounts. The plan is to direct some small part of the purchase price to those that are dying.

I don't want to love like this world. I want to love without expecting a return, unconcerned with self, with a love spoken of by Paul that "abounds", leaps out. Its focus is outward, away from the lover. It prepares a feast and then lovingly compels the lonely and rejected to come and enjoy. And while I don't think it will be easy for this love to be formed in me, I think I know where to look to find it.